to be a man
by FirstHeartBroken
Summary: goddamn it, Edward! Be a man! Fight for me' She screamed, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. He stared at her with eyes full of agony, he's too weak. He can't fight anymore. But somehow he has to. Because she means that much to him. EBJ Triangle. E/B.


**Summary: **'Goddamn it, Edward! Be a man! Fight for me!" She screamed, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. He stared at her with eyes full of agony, he's too weak. He can't fight for her anymore. But somehow he has to. Because she means that much to him. **Powerful **EBJ.

Warning: I am a **huge **Edward/Bella fan, so this probably won't be very supportive of Jacob.

This is my first Twilight story. But I absolutely **love **the books! I can't wait for the movie to come out in England! But while I'm being patient, I'll let my imagination run away with me :) This is when Bella has to choose between Jacob and Edward in Eclipse. This is how I wanted it to unfold...

**Be a Man  
A Edward/Bella/Jacob Oneshot**

"This is the last time." Bella Swan whispered in the dark, laying against his chest, eyes closed and lips parted, an overwhelming force of guilt rocking her body. This shouldn't have happened. _Not again, _she sobs internally. The pain she felt at that moment ripped through her like a tidal wave, leaving her breathless and leaving her already damaged heart even more broken. She was sure that she had suffered more pain in her eighteen years than a normal woman should.

Jacob Black sighed, "Don't blame yourself." He murmured passingly, "Please, don't- don't regret this, Bella. This should have happened."

"No!" She insisted immediately, her voice shaking, "This should _not _have happened!" She lifted her tear-stained face off his bare chest and glared at his masculine face, "Don't you understand?" She hissed, "This was wrong!" Her voice trembled.

Jacob struggled not to roll his eyes, "God, Bella," He shook his head, eyes squeezed tight, "You say that _every _single time! Don't you dare get angry with me! It's not my fault I'm in love with you! If this is as wrong as you say, why don't you stop it!?"

She started to sob. Heart-wrenching, wretched, painful sobs from the depths of her soul rocked the bed as her trembling hands gripped his side, her nails digging into his skin. It should have been painful for him, but it wasn't. Instead, he let out a low hiss, her fingers feeling like a magnificent burn on his tainted skin. She was so broken, so incredibly confused and hormonal. She was living every teenage girl's nightmare. She was torn between two lovers. The love of her life or her best friend.

The comparison was heartbreaking, the difference between the two considerable. She just didn't know what to do.

"Leave him, Bella," His deep voice broke her away from her thoughts, his tone was almost desperate as he whispered in the dark, "There's nothing that... _he_ can offer you that I can't give to you. I love you, Bella. I _love _you. I need you. I want you. I love you, I love you." He repeated again and again as if to burn the words into her memory, to never make her forget.

Her breathing stopped. The incredible aching in her heart becoming almost too much to bear. Her sobs didn't reside.

_You're a horrible person, _The guilt of her betrayal echoed in her mind. _How could you do this to him? How could you to this to Edward after all his done for you?! You disgust me. _"I know," She mumbled to herself, "I know."

"Bella, honey," His voice was so soft, so gentle as he raked his fingers through her damp brunette locks, "Darling, please...."

"I- I love him," She whispered vulnerably, burying - hiding - her face in his chest, "I swear I do." She mumbled.

Jacob nodded, daggers piercing through his heart at her words, "I know, Bella, I know..." He whispered, "But I know you love me too...."

Bella bit her lip, "I do. I do love you too." She admitted, even though her words angered herself.

"Then leave him." He demanded again, "I'm giving you an ultimatum here. It's either him or me, Bella, you can't have it both ways." His voice was almost cruel.

She didn't say anything else. She just stood up and walked over to the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom, clenching the white sheet to her chest. She walked in and slammed the door, leaving a very confused Jacob in her wake.

As soon as her back hit the closed door, she slumped to the floor, her face contorted in pain as she gasped for air between her sobs. She brought her hand to her mouth and screwed her eyes shut. Trying to shut out everything around her. The guilt, the pain, the heartache. Trying to just shut out the world.

Once she had calmed down slightly, she froze when her eyes found the shower. Memories of her and Edward making love flashed before her in a slideshow of images as if it had happened yesterday. Their slick bodies moulding together, their hands grabbing greedily, finding the most intimate places to bring each other to the highest peaks of pleasure, the way the water had clung to his muscles before running down his cold, hard abs, the way his mouth tasted as he passionately kissed her over and over again. She realized now how much she had taken small moments like that for granted. Taken _him _for granted.

She had a very tough decision to make.

-----

The door slammed as she wandered into the large house, the guilt hitting her all over again. With a sigh, she took of her coat and scarf and flew them on the counter. She struggled back a new batch of tears as she walked into the living room and saw _him _waiting for her, sitting on the couch, his head in his hands.

She drew back a breath when she saw him and the sudden noise made his head snap up. She felt the tears sting her eyes as she gazed at his face. His beautiful features held an expression of extreme pain, his normally vibrant golden eyes now broken and empty. They were glassed over too and she knew he'd been crying.

She'd done that.

She'd made Edward Cullen cry.

She absolutely despised herself. He deserved so much more. He knew where she was every night. She knew that he knew she was lying when she told him she was going shopping with Alice, when secretly she was going to meet _him. _He knew what she did, and he didn't even try to stop it. Because as much as it killed him, a small part of him clung to the possibility of her realizing her mistake and coming back to him. A small part of him hoped that she would realize how much she loved him and stop putting him through this agony. He couldn't just leave her like most men would do. He refused to give up on them. Because he loved her that much. But God, he was _so _tired. So tired of fighting. So tired of pretending to be oblivious to her betrayal. He didn't want anything else, he just wanted _her. _

"Edward," She whispered, standing awkwardly in the corner of the room, watching the single stream of light illuminate his perfect face, "I'm - um - I'm sorry I'm late, have you been up long?"

"All night." He murmured back in his melodic voice. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and trying to ignore her sudden self-loathing, "I was worried." He added in a whisper.

Bella bit her lip, "My - um - Alice kept me longer than I thought." God, she hated lying to him. Especially when she knew he wasn't buying it.

He was silent, his jaw tense.

"I'm just- I'm just gonna go to bed." She whispered, starting to turn around and leave when his velvet voice stopped her.

"What happened to us?" He muttered brokenly, his voice quavering noticeably. Bella pursed her lips into a thin line, leaning her forehead against the door frame, screwing her eyes tightly shut. She gulped before swivelling back to face him, a large, fake smile plastered on her face.

"I- I don't know what you mean," She laughed nervously.

Edward let out a deep breath, "Yes you do."

"Edward I-"

"-I don't know what hurts worse, you and Jacob going behind my back, or you lying to my face about it..." His voice wasn't angry like she had imagined it to be. She had always imagined that when he did finally confront her about her infidelity, he would be absolutely furious. He might throw things, scream and cry, but she had never imagined this. Not this agonizing, unbearable tension, the way the moonlight shone perfectly, so that she could only see half of his broken face. The silence was torturing.

She didn't know what to say, so she just stood silently.

She rose from his place on the couch and went over to face her, "_Bella,_" His voice moulded around her name so perfectly as if he was devouring it. Devouring _her, _"Bella, I'm sorry,"

Bella's eyebrows furrowed and a tear rolled down her cheek, "What?" She croaked, "What are _you _sorry for?"

He looked into her broken eyes, "I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry for not letting you in. I'm sorry for not showing you just how much you mean to me,"

The ache in her heart grew deeper when she listened to his unselfish words and watched the tear in his eye, "You have _nothing _to be sorry for, Edward," Her voice strained.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes gently as a small smile graced his lips. She wondered what he was thinking about, but didn't ask. She just waited. Waited for him to tell her that it was either him or Jacob. Waited for him to give her an ultimatum, just like _he _did. But that never came.

"Bella," He said her name again, his eyes shining from the tears he wouldn't let fall, "I love you," He whispered, a single tear falling from his golden eye and a small, strangled sob fell from her parted lips. His heart pulled as he placed his cold, hard hands on her trembling shoulders, leaning down to her height and looking into her eyes, his intoxicating breath blowing softly on her face, "I love you, but- but I just want you to be happy. And I know that you're not happy. So, as much as it kills me, if being with him makes you happy then I'm okay with that."

Her eyes widened, "Wha- What?!" She choked through her tears, "I don't- I don't understand! You're- You're not even gonna give me an- an ultimatum or anything?!"

Edward frowned, "I would never do that to you, Bella," He shook his head softly, "I love you too much." He whispered.

Bella shook her head, "So what? You're gonna just let me go? Just like that?"

He let go of her shoulders and turned around, pacing the room, running his agitated fingers through his messy bronze locks, "Yes." He mumbled, finally turning to face her.

She was suddenly overcome by a feeling of anger and desperation, "Don't you love me?" She whispered, hurt.

He let out an incredulous chuckle, "Bella," His voice was low and husky, "You know I love you. More than anything. But I don't know what to do anymore!"

"You don't know what to do anymore?!" She repeated, raising her voice, her eyebrows furrowed, "Goddamn it, Edward!" She shouted, stamping her foot like an insolent child and running her fingers quickly through her brunette hair.

"What do you want from me, Bella?!" He shouted suddenly, his hands starting to shake.

She replied with no hesitation, "I want you to fight for me!" She shouted back, "I want you to tell me that you would rather be alone then without me!"

He doesn't say anything and that just pisses her off more.

'Goddamn it, Edward! Be a man! Fight for me!" She screamed, tears rolling down her pale cheeks. He stared at her with eyes full of agony, he's too weak. He can't fight for her anymore. But somehow he has to. Because she means that much to him.

She ran over to him, smacking at his cold, hard chest mercilessly, tiny cries of frustration fell from her lips when she noticed she wasn't causing him the slightest pain. She sobbed desperately, her tiny fists hammering on his chest. Edward stared down at her, his heart breaking all over again. He sighed, grabbing her wrists with impossible strength and holding her hands to his heart, "Bella, please." He whispered, looking down into her tearful eyes, "It's up to you now, okay? I'm done fighting, Bella. But if that's what you _need _me to do, then I'll do it. I won't give up on us. But I once told you that the day you stopped loving me, I'd stop fighting. Just remember that."

Bella shook her head defiantly, "You think I don't love you?" She whispered incredulously, craning her neck to look into his eyes and fully appreciating the arms that imprisoned her so easily. When he didn't say anything, she let out another sob, "Edward," She croaked, "I never- I never meant for you to doubt yourself. You're the most... amazing, noble, unselfish man I've met ever met and I lo-"

"-Stop." His voice trembled, "Please, I can't bear it any longer." He let her go, in more senses than one, and walked over to the marble counter, planting his hands on the cold class and breathing slowly.

As she watched him, her sobbing resided. And she suddenly knew what to do. Edward would never make her choose between them because he knew it would hurt her too much. He was her soulmate. He knew everything about her, he knew everything she was feeling. And to think that he blamed _her _infidelity on _himself _was heartbreaking. His unselfishness was overwhelming, his ability to forgive her all her sins was admirable. And she knew what she had to do. Jacob wasn't any of the things Edward was. She didn't love him nearly as much as she loved Edward. And standing there, silently, she weighed her options. She thought about what Jacob was, the person he was, and she knew she had to end it.

Jacob wasn't kind.

He wasn't considerate.

He wasn't a gentleman.

He wasn't the most beautiful creature on Earth.

He wasn't Edward.

..................

She walked into the room with a heavy heart, nervous about what to do and say. But when she saw him waiting for her, she walked over to him confidently.

He glanced up at her with heavy eyes, biting his lip and hoping desperately that she had chosen him. But when he saw the sorrowful look in her eyes, he knew she hadn't. He felt ashamed. He felt stupid. He should've known better than to keep Bella from Edward. As much as it killed him to admit it, they were soulmates.

Bella pursed her lips, letting her cold fingertips brush his warm, soft cheek, making him close his eyes and lean into her hand, inhaling softly, "You smell like him," He whispered, a soft smile gracing his lips.

Bella's breathing was steady, "I'm sorry, Jacob." Her voice was clear, "I'm so sorry for giving you false hope and I'm sorry if I lead you along. But this is it, okay? This is the end. I'm gonna go, and you probably won't see me for a while. I love him, Jacob. I love him."

"I know." He breathed, "Even if you didn't. I always knew."

"I'm sorry," She repeated once more before turning and walking over to the door, resting her hand on the cold handle.

"Hey Bella?" He called after her, making her sigh and turn around.

"Love you," He smiled softly.

She sighed, "Love you, Jacob."

..............

The door slammed shut for the second time that night. He was still awake, waiting for her. And when he saw her, tears rolling rapidly down her cheeks and her body trembling, he froze, waiting for her to tell him. Waiting for her to break his heart all over again.

"Edward, I'm so so so sorry," She sobbed, "I- I got scared and vulnerable, and you were pushing me away, and I didn't know what to do... So I turned to _him _for comfort. That was wrong and stupid and I've lost you because of it. But before you start shouting at me, I- I want to tell you that I never stopped loving you, ever. And I know that that doesn't matter now, after what I did, but I just thought that you should know." She sobbed again, barely able to speak through her tears, "Edward, I- I understand if you want to leave me and shout at me, God knows I deserve it, but- but if you can find it in your heart to just forgive me, not take me back, but just forgive me, then I'll be forever grateful. After everything I've put you through, and after everything I've done, I never stopped loving you, and I never will. I was just too scared to admit it," She turned to leave, but his soft voice stopped her.

"Bella," She closed her eyes tightly, turning back to face him. His expression was soft, his smile speaking a thousand words, "You have no idea how long I've waited for those words." He whispered, taking a step towards her, "And- And what you did with Jacob..." He paused, "It's okay,"

"What?! It can't be! It's too much to forgive!" She shook her head, her voice trailing off to a sob.

"Bella, you don't understand. I can't just let you go, I thought that I could, but while you were gone, and I thought that you had left for good, I realised that I can't live without you. You're my soul, Bella, my reason for existence. It might sound cheesy, but you complete me, Bella. You're a part of me - the biggest part. You're my everything. And I forgive you. So you're gonna have to deal with that. Because I love you. And I'm never letting you go again."

Before he could comprehend what was happening, she was running towards him. He caught her quickly and she jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his strong waist, making him stagger backwards from the force of her body, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, adorning his face with short, quick, breathless kisses.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." She whispered through kisses, making his heart soar.

He quickly turned, slamming her against the wall, grabbing her arms and pinning them above her head, as he kissed her lips passionately. His mouth twisted over hers powerfully, forcing her to admit his tongue. She groaned into his kiss, responding as much as him. He used the hand that wasn't pinning her wrists above her head to brush her cheek carefully, his fingers moving across her skin like a wonderfully familiar dance.

They broke away breathlessly as he secured his grip under her backside and staggered to the bedroom, kicking the door open with one foot and practically throwing her onto the bed. He climbed on top of her quickly and started to kiss her neck. Her head fell back, leaning to the side to give him better access. He trailed his kisses down her neck to her collar bone, tracing the bone with his cold finger and tenderly pulling her shirt over her head. He kissed her stomach, soft butterfly kisses that made her squirm. He soon reached her jeans where he unbuttoned them and pulled them slowly down her smooth legs.

It was slow and passionate. Because there was no need to rush. They had all the time in the world.

As she lay in just her bra and panties, he took in the side before him. He sighed, leaning his forehead against hers, his breathing growing increasingly ragged, "You're so beautiful," He whispered, kissing her forehead tenderly.

Bella smiled softly, grabbing the edge of his shirt and pulling it over his head, tossing it to an unknown area of the room. She let her hands trail down his sculpted chest, taking in all the muscles, the bumps and scars. She turned them over quickly and straddled his waist, crawling down his hard body, leaving soft, wet kisses in her wake. She unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, revealing the muscular thighs that soon turned into strong calves. No words were spoken as she threw them off the bed and traced the waistline of his boxers with her finger. The room was silent, the only sounds from the soft breathing of the lovers.

He switched their positions again and hovered over her, trailing hot kisses down her neck until he got to her bra. Slowly - tantalizingly so - he pulled down the straps, his cold fingers brushing agaisnt her collarbone. She lifted her body as his hands went behind her back to unclasp her bra. He pulled it off her arms carefully and flung it across the room.

It all happened very quickly then. Their eyes never left each other as they finished undressing each other until they were both naked.

"Bella," He whispered, his naked chest rising quickly with labored breaths.

He started to trail soft butterfly kisses down her flat stomach, his trembling hands running up and down her smooth legs. He gently parted her thighs and his fingers softly parted her, letting his tongue run down her wet folds.

"Edward," Her voice trembled - the burning aching between her legs becoming unbearable - Jacob's never made her feel like that before and that scares her.

"Oh...Oh Edward." She whimpered as she climaxed, her back arched and toes curled. Her breath came out in short, sharp pants as her eyes were half closed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he stared into her gorgeous, sparkling eyes. They were silent for a little while, as Bella cherished the feeling of Edward's hands gently caressing every part of her body. He'd missed her so much and he needed to remember every inch of her slim figure.

Bella arched her back. She needed him. Right now.

"Edward, no more," She begged, and he stared into her eyes, "I need you now. I need you inside me now. It's been too long."

He nodded and positioned himself above her delicate, small body. He kissed her gently once more before entering her.

It had been almost 3 months since they had made love and the feeling of being inside her almost made him want to cry. For every time he pushed into her she moaned his name, it sounded like a chant, a raspy and familiar 'welcome home'.

Over and over again he wondered why he waited so long. Why didn't he confront her earlier? Why did he let her go to Jacob? Why did he let her go in the first place?

"I love you. I _love _you, Bella. I love you _so much_." He whispered over and over again as she wrapped her legs around his waist and leans her forehead against his. She kissed him tenderly, her swollen lips slanting over his tired mouth.

With every thrust she was met with a build-up of months without him. Of course he never left, but he was never really _there. _Months without feeling him touch her, hold her. Every time she screamed his name and every time she leaned up and recaptured his lips, she was reminded of what they used to be.

She could only hope that they could be that way again, somehow.

She pursed her lips as she closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the feeling of him filling her up again.

Soon enough her inner muscles clenched around him and she climaxed, murmuring his name over and over again, loving how it rolls of her tongue so easily.

"I love you," She whispered, and they were the words he needed to fall over the edge in lustful submission. He rolled off her and she snuggled up to him, leaning her tired head on his heaving chest.

He ran his fingers through her damp hair, "Please don't- don't leave me again,"

He sounded so desperate that the guilt hit her all over again, "I'm _never _leaving you again, do you hear me?" She placed her hands on either side of his face, looking into his eyes, "I love you, Edward."

"I love you too." He closed his eyes, holding her close.

"Good," She traced imaginary circles on his chest, "Because I'm not going anywhere."

....

_Well, that was it. My first ever Twilight story. Please review, I tried very hard! Please tell me what I did well and what I did wrong, so I can improve my writing if I decided to write another story._


End file.
